Fast Food Knights

Ok, this whole story is losing momentum fast. Bummer that I had to draw it out over four days, but oh well. If this last entry sucks because of that, too bad.

So where were we? Oh yes, dinner. In the last episode you saw me enjoying some medieval chicken with my medieval crown. Well, that chicken didn't just magically appear in my mouth, although there were several wizards in attendance so that possibility wasn't out of the question, and you know how wizards like to play practical jokes.

Here is Serf Christopher, joyfully slopping some medieval stew into one of our medieval bowls. He was quite cheerful, considering he's a serf. I didn't notice anything malodorous about him, either. Unusual for a serf. Although I suppose it makes for a much more pleasant dining experience if the serving serfs don't smell like poo. You may be wondering where the serving wenches were. I mean, what good would a medieval feast be without a generous helping of wenches? Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures of the wenches, but they were around. In fact, we had booze wenches, hot towel wenches, soda wenches and glow-in-the-dark sword wenches. But since none of them played much of a role in our little adventure this is the last you will hear of them.


I think this photograph speaks for itself.

Now, on with the tournament! Here are the players:

Here we have the hero of our little tale, the Blue Knight. We were ordered by some guy wearing yellow tights to cheer for him. Sort of like how my mom used to force me to invite my little brother (who bears the same name as our serf) along whenever I did anything remotely resembling fun. Luckily, my friends and I had gotten very good at camoflaging our forts, which made things much easier when it came time to do some ditching. Our little knight lost, by the way. In his defense, however, I must add that I was very impressed with his knightly skills. That is, until he was unhorsed in the joust and disemboweled by the Red Knight.


Then we've got this chap. He spent more time running around the arena than any of the knights. Must have gotten caught poaching the King's deer.

Ok, that joke sounded much funnier before I actually typed it out. But I'm too lazy to delete it, so it stays.

On the left is the bad guy of the story, who was finally escorted out of the arena, after all was said and done, by a bullwhip-cracking, axe-wielding executioner. The four year old boy sitting in front of us was so enamored with this guy's performance that he was screaming in support of his death louder than anyone else in our section.

On the right we've got the Yellow Knight. Not only did he win the tournament, but he also defeated the bad guy and got to marry the princess. Other than that, he pretty much sucked at everything. I was surprised the guy stayed on his horse through the entire thing.


Finally, we have the entire cadre of knights, including their squires. I'll let you decide which one you think is the coolest.

So there you have it. A night at Medieval Times. What do you think...was it worth the $50? Now throw in a knight's head sippy cup and ask yourself one more time. *sighs* I love my knight's head sippy cup...